Remake.rewind..

I wait my time all night for you

In silk in cotton spun sheets

For once we’ve fallen so hard in love

I’d never wish to return being old me

It’s not about a thousand vows

Or lilies we find in million shades

It’s when I come home everyday

you would open the door to me

and I’ll swing and sway in your arms

like the wind hangs on to a tree

they say they know it passes for sure

in a couple of years or even a decade

you slip, you forget , you leave

for the fairytales are afterall, make believe

I could simmer down too, lose the tint

And send my hunger away..

counting sheeps to fall asleep , well

That’s not how we let life play

So, I wait my time all night for you

to remake love after we make love

in silk in cotton spun sheets…

A lot out of nothing

It was a winter afternoon in Delhi, the cold almost like Anamika's current state of mind.  The fifth floor of the building where her lab was, anamika got a lovely view of the ring road, the bustling traffic, the main entrance to the hospital filled with patients and their entire familes waiting in patience for their long awaited appointments with mixed emotions. some were sad, some hopeful, some just content, some excited. In the background a bus screeched to halt, another car honked, a cycle trinked. Closer to her on the window sill , a couple of known pigeons notoriously littered and continued building their nests with a strange persistence fighting the cold winds. It was nearing lunch time and everyone around seemed to be suddenly too hungry to keep control. Her lab mates called out to each other asking to immediately open their lunch boxes. the centre table was being cleared for lunch. All work was asked to be stalled, jokes were being cracked in the background, sirish had once more annoyed someone with his double meaning banter, cracking everyone else with laughter.  Pradeep sir, a senior scientist laughing took out his gloves, washed his hands and observing anamika standing quitely next to the window announced to her with an excitement of a man in love with food , "Anu! Lunch!, come fast." to which she replied with an asserting nod, she would be right there, just another moment.Anamika watched the regular scene in her life with an honest admiration trying to understand if what she was feeling within was really comparable to all of the activities happening around her. she was confused, upset, angry, sad, all in one and that too for no reason she could draw. "Maybe I'm only wasting my time over-thinking, this isn't the first time something like this has come up, probably he's not even thinking about me right now." she thought to herself with a tug at her heart saying otherwise. Once more checking her seemingly dead phone, seeing no missed calls, texts, whatsapp messages from Dev, she sighed and walked over to the centre table joining her labmates to eat her sorrow away. Maybe being with friends would help her get distracted from her strange thoughts. so she contributed to the lunch conversations with full spirit and happy pretence.
Dev, on the other side of the city was completely unaware of the rush of emotions he was causing Anamika. It was just another day for him, home, office, a set of meetings, a chore he had to finish for dad and then hopefully back home in time. Ofcourse, anamika was there, in his life, his mind, heart, in everything he did, a fact he didn't feel the need to express all the time anymore given all the years he has been with her. He really missed her today but he was just not able to gather time to contact her and that was definitely annoying him. "Oh! she'll understand" he hoped .
The day passed, dragged for anamika, flew for Dev and by the time it was evening he picked his phone and dialled her.
"anu!"
"yes"
"you wouldn't believe the day I've had"
"Oh! I would believe, had fun??"
"Fun?! , at office?, no it was hell of a day , with all the file work i had to clear and I still have a couple of calls to finish before heading home. I couldn't even find the time to reach you"
"right, that must have been it."
"what's wrong? are you upset?"
"nah! Its fine dev, leave it"
"this isn't the first day this has happened anu, you know that."
"and this won't be the last day either Dev, I know I'm not a part of your important schedule these days"
"You ain't a part of any schedule Anu, you're a part of my life and I don't need to keep appointments for you my love."
"you and your brilliant words." Anamika was feeling defeated, guilty, anger and confusion in the same second. It was not just about this particular day, it was about a series of weeks when he was just not paying her enough attention. the current gestures weren't enough for her it seemed,  the romance, the excitement, she was longing for a passion they used to have in their initial year , which she knew was still there buried somewhere below the pile of time. there was something she deeply wanted from him. something was definitely amiss.Maybe she wanted him to surprise her. Maybe Anamika wanted Dev to romance her more, get her flowers, go out of his way to meet her, bunk his office, take her for a long drive, even though such gestures were not really important to her. Her core happiness lied in something unknown, she surely wanted something but wasn't able to figure exactly what. Unless she did, how could she ask for it from Dev. she wanted to cry in confusion and pour her heart out. she wanted to ask him why she was so upset. whether this was because their relationship was old now and he had started taking her for granted. she wanted to blame him, shout at him and just walk away, but she remained silent as she held the phone for a long pause.
Dev waited silently on the other side of the line, asking her after a while to speak further. he needed to know what was she upset about, he had been noticing a cold note in her words lately. where he was going wrong? had he not been attentive enough? had be hurt her in some way? if only she would tell him. he wanted to give her everything he possibly could. Just recently he had taken her out to a lovely eating joint and spent an amazing karaoke evening with her. he always managed to make her smil, then what could it possibly be. but Dev was a rational man and he balanced the irrational anu. he knew she was so much more mature than him in so many ways but sometimes she'd get so difficult and confusing. Both of them were deeply happy with each other and both knew this, yet the recent days had brought a slight strain between them without an apparent reason.
"I'd better keep the phone down, I can't figure what to say" finally responded anamika
"Sure Anu, call me when you're ready to talk"
Anamika being the more introspective one aggressively went through her thought catalogue. she sat that night for hours staring at her bedroom walls, eating dinner silently and drinking coffee. when she had had enough for the day, she decided to sleep on it. maybe this was just a phase, all couples go through it she consoled herself. Dev had not disturbed her with any texts. he knew she needed that space to get back to herself. His love for her was no longer dependent on routine goodnight calls or texts. They always had the next day to be together again.
Next morning Anamika woke to a beep on her phone, a text saying "I love you anu, I finally figured the solution to your agony."
She groggily laughed to her herself , dialled his cellphone and spoke with a morning croak, " Dev, I love you too baby and what solution are you talking of? I seemed so silly yesterday, I'm sorry for being so hard on you sometimes."
"stop! It's fine and I just know what we really really need. Your mood was only a symptom of a bigger and more important decision that has been pending for long now. I know how to fix this. you trust me?"
"ofcourse I do , but what are suggesting?"
"I'm suggesting we get married. It's time to be together now, It's time to merge our time and take the next step in life. I want you completely with me, as family. "
Anamika could feel a new state of mind suddenly take over her entirely. This was what she had needed and secretly wanted and he understood. The relief she felt made her sure once again that Dev was one of the best things to have happened to her.  She felt like her powerful and invincible self again. Anamika had always been driven and  rooted by love.

kisi din agar parchayi nahi dikhi 

to dhoop mei kami hogi 

phisal jaayein agar raah mei

to zameen mei hi nami hogi

agar bin wajah hasi choote 

to dil muskuraya hoga

fir chalakte aasuoon ko

na jaane kis ne rulaya hoga

na mile khoi hui kitaab to

galat panno ka hisaab hoga

rooh jis din khamosh rahe

duaaon mei zara si kami hogi

zaroorat hai roshni ko

aam zindagi se milne ki

khaasiyat ki chamak mei

kisi din kuch to kami hogi

Swirling wishes in the core of a prayer
while he watches me like no one ever has
a set of green eyes can bring to me
the kind of calm that threatens rage 
an epiphany led me to the simplest truth
where he is mine, an answer to a quest
there are no bells no frills no glitter
only the one man I love as I'm put to test
Is it faith or the absence of another path
his strength melting into mine
laughing together over our faulty lines
every step rising some more in love
He can correct me when I go wrong
while I bring out the best of his share
willing the storms in the heart wailing now
reach out and take us ahead safely through
As cracks in rocks hold homes and light
to the pounding heart breathing might
May the Lord of skies reap the sown
Our ships have sailed with the tides
wishing in kind winds to be blown

4.

"Oh yes! In the next one, we'll improvise on that part some more, and the lathi scene needs to go, it confuses our audience."
"Sure, and are we rehearsing once more before we leave tomorrow or are we set?"
"We'll see! Guys,Its time we go home and get some rest, before that lets have a cup of tea at sutta point." suggested Dafli whom we named so because she was our dafli playing senior.
This was just another day in college for me, daily theatre group meetings after classes, practice sessions, chit chat and endless cups of tea with the group, who were not only my theatre buddies but also one of the best bunch of friends I had so far.
So here I was sipping tea, brainstorming and in peace with myself, just when the phone rang. It was an unknown number which had me in two minds about taking the call or not. I did, with a skeptical "hello"
"Hi, Am I speaking to Keya? said a male voice
"Umm, yes this is her, how may I help you?" I replied with an intention of cutting the call any second dreading this to be one of those annoying tele-marketing guys
"Ok! so how have you been? Its been months now" asked the voice
"Do I know you? can I know who's speaking? I asked curiously while my friends continued chattering in the background
"Hey, so you've gotten so busy that you forgot me already, new friend." the voice giggled making me more conscious and just when I was about to give up guessing it dawned on me. I only had one male 'new friend' in recent times, Deep. One cannot call us 'friends' as we lost touch the day I left his city. That wedding was one to remember, few magnificent days with family and 'new friends'. I had been so charmed by this man that I couldn't find the courage to even ask for his contact number or email ID while leaving, something I regretted for weeks. Now, after so many months, here he was on the other side of the phone. My friend found me.
"Deep. That's you!!!" I exclaimed so loud as to startle my friends who suddenly became interested in my conversation. I stood up from where I sat and walked towards a quieter corner.
"Oh, thank God! and here I started to think you really have forgotten me."
"Hey, no I haven't. So how did you even find my number?"
"I have my sources" came a flirty reply and an audible grin
Deep hadn't changed and so hadn't my love for his sense of humor. Our conversation lasted for 5 hours that evening. Later that night I realized that this was the first time I had ditched my friends in the middle of a tea session for a phone-call. It wasn't going to be the last time either.

I am asleep

There isn't any poetry coming from me in these times. These days, months, hours , the time span doesn't matter . Is it because there is too much calm living in my mind or too much turmoil?
 I get to work where I want to work , an opportunity to realize one of my dreams. I am one of the lucky ones to be granted a chance, so does that slow down poetry in me as if all we need to put our rhyming words is a feeling of exhilarating pain or happiness. For sure I am not overjoyed because I haven't made a complete position for myself in my career, there is more assessment to go before I can really say Bingo! Maybe that's the reason of my emotional neutrality. That sense of "wait till we get there" in fear of jinxing the awaited...
I am in no pain either, nothing acute to be more precise. Pain is so fundamental to our existence that there comes a point when you filter out unnecessary hurt on your own, so that leaves you with no drama, no frills. Is that the reason why I cannot bring myself to write?
Then there is that force that we feel the urgency to put into words. Dreams, love, unfulfilled wishes, death, life, nature... Its all around all the time. I have many a times described them before, is that the reason why I feel I have nothing more to say??
What am I waiting for? a good moment, a milestone..closure?
Maybe I'm only waiting for myself to return from someplace before we start afresh for another..

A breath kept short saving some air
were you nervous by my longing stare
I could feel your skin flush and  pound
she'll kiss me well was the beating sound
We closed our eyes, I cheated there
there was a smile in those eyes to swear

Standing up to get going or watch the skies snowing
the flower may not wish to bloom and color each time
some words may sing while others may not even rhyme
If she flapped her wings the bird may just be deciding
to fly or not to fly, she may not want to be seen today gliding
The little girl sleeps every night mid story before the happy ending
her mornings are brighter than ever 'coz she has that story pending
every half written letter, incomplete union ,an unstitched seam
not the end, never till completion,longings of an unfinished dream
I am less inspired some seconds of life, not a bit for many days
less likely to reach for victory sometimes,self content some may say
satisfied before even touching shore,oh! It's fine to be far far away!

I have travelled distances to watch you grow wings.. with a belief that no one can fly higher than you...
I have written letters across oceans to spread words about the times when you will outshine
I have prayed with a plead to build my faith about the smile you will spread within million hearts
I have given everything away knowing you will call me to the abode that you'll earn with humility
I have starved to fill my soul with satiating knowledge about every bread you feed the one in need
I have stood at the window to trace your path to a place where only goodness can peacefully stay
I have been the silent friend that passes you the torch when darkness threatens to cloud your day

Plan

I remembered the voice tinkle in my ear
he had said "my beloved, you're here."
pressing my hand upon his chest
my head lay calmly on him to rest
he was the feather in my daily dreams
flying around the frame with blurry seams
I remember his touch from before I took birth
He willed me to set  foot on this earth
As a child I played without the slightest doubt
maybe I had known then his whereabout
growing up clouded my head all the more
I gathered doubts no more that sure
I began to lose him to a larger realm
but he still hangs on to the blurry seam
another heart caught me in love so dear
but I only wished one voice to tinkle in my ear
I held on to this love with all my heart
intuitive of the end even before the start
I find a mark whenever I truly feel
he painted a trail for a cosmic deal
years pass by we only reach so far
 a step towards one another every hour
not knowing whose voice tinkles in my ear
agonizing more than if I couldn't hear
caught in life's unforeseen themes
how long before he clears the blurry seam